I have been a regular Cannabis user since I was 18 years old. At 17 I already had severe Anxiety and Depression and in that same year I was raped. I then developed PTSD from my rape. It literally haunted my nights causing endless mornings of watching the sun come up as my eyes burned from lack of sleep. I lived in a state of trauma 24 hours a day, and it felt like I truly lived in Hell. Even if I had gotten some sleep, I would wake up in the midst of a full blown panic attack reliving what had happened to me. At that point it felt like the end of the road for me, and I truly wanted to die. I thought about my family and friends who loved me, I felt guilty and selfish for wanting to end my life and hurt my loved ones. So I turned to hard drugs in the attempt to put a stop to all of this and take myself away from the pain. Like a way to live without feeling, kind of like being dead, yet being present. I quickly learned that you can only run from your problems for so long until they catch up with you. It was when I overdosed on Opiates for the third time that I had realized I needed to get help. All I wanted was to be better. I did drugs so I wouldnt kill myself and hurt my loved ones and there I was, laying on a stretcher as I looked over at my aunt who raised me as she screamed, and tears fell down her face. She thought she was going to lose me that day, and I thought so too. Next I knew, I was in the hospital leading for help, this woman who I later looked at as something of a guardian angel told me she wasn't going to let me leave until she found me an open bed at a facility, and sure enough she did just that. I remember that day so vividly before I left to go to my rehabilitation facility. She looked me in the eyes as if I was a lost child and she told me I was going to be okay, she said "your going to get better and your going to help other people I just know it, you stay strong now." and that was the last time i had ever seen her. I still think about her all the time to this day, and I dont know were i would have been without her help.
I completed my treatment at the facility at 18 and I returned back to my everyday life determined like never before. I battled through those restless nights literally smacking myself to stay awake, I tried my hardest to brush off the pain that wallowed deep within my brain as it tried to trigger me. I stayed focus and it wasn't long until I was then prescribed Anxiety meds, Antidepressants, and even Pain Killers for all the muscle soreness and achiness that kept getting worse. Something told me these medications were just not for me, and that they were going to lead me down the dark tunnel that I had already escaped. I searched and searched the internet for tips on natural wellness, sleep aids, mental illness etc. That is when I stumbled across yoga, meditation, the effectiveness of a healthy diet and of course, benefits of the responsible use of Cannabis. I incorporated all of these slowly in to my daily routine and it was like suddenly it was a year later that I was living a completely different lifestyle. Sure I still had body aches, soreness and some fatigue but I felt like myself again. I could sleep, I could eat, it was like a miracle had just happened directly in front of my eyes. It was the realization that there is in fact an alternative way to heal mental illness and the physical pain that can come with it. I was ridiculed by family and friends who were completely convinced I was using drugs again, what they hadn't realized is Cannabis isn't my escape or "drug" it is my medicine, my wellness and I truly think it can help a lot of people. After about a year of me consistently doing well and being healthy my family took their concerns less seriously and just made the typical stoner jokes around me. It wasn't long after that I got pregnant with my son. When telling my family about my pregnancy the initial reaction was of course "So are you gonna stop smokin weed now? time to grow up" It was then that I knew I would constantly be judged or questioned as a mother who used Cannabis. Ironically my family unfortunately has alcoholism running rapidly in our genes and my relatives aren't shy to have a drink....or several, so it was a lot for me to bite my tongue when faced with ignorant judgement. Instead I continued to accept myself and be proud of the lifestyle I needed to live to remain happy and well.
Thankfully my boyfriend who I have been dating since I was 17, is and always has been supportive of the use of Cannabis. I decided not to use Cannabis during my pregnancy which was beyond difficult, but I did immediately after, as I had already felt postpartum depression begin to loom over me. As some time passed my nausea, abdominal pain, body aches and soreness became overwhelming and I needed to up my Cannabis usage. Something didn't feel right, so I went to the doctor and after multiple appointments, and second opinions, I was diagnosed with Lupus and Hypothyroidism. As I had figured it would, Cannabis and a healthy lifestyle has aided me tremendously as I coped with my newly discovered disease. It was then I knew after no matter what I had been through physically or emotionally, healthy living and the responsible use of Cannabis was always my answer. It was as I walked out of my diagnosis appointment with my head held high, that I knew I was going to help people and be open in sharing my story and the inclusion of Cannabis in my life. It turns out that woman from the hospital was right. I feel as though I have experienced all of this for a reason, that I have a greater purpose and a message to spread. I knew from that day on that I wasn't going to leave this planet without helping others with their health and well being. I am now in school to be a licensed bud tender and extractor and I am a business student. I plan to pursue my education and work experience further as I also plan to branch out socially, as an influence as well, to spread the word on Cannabis and wellness. I truly feel it is my purpose to encourage happiness and being yourself, even if that includes a healthy lifestyle choice that others may not condone. I want to encourage people to live for them, and break from the mold's irrationally created by the reigns of soceity. I plan to help make this earth a more peaceful and greener place as a whole. I am not ashamed to admit I am a mother and active cannabis user, and neither should anyone else.
You can also choose a "I'm committed" knot for a closure, this option does not have a wood bead and requires you to tie the bracelet on yourself. Watch the instructional video here.